... Reunion ...

Nothing in life is black and white. I think that this may be the only universally unchallenged statement ever. I don't necessarily believe that though. I'm more of the school that nothing is every really finished. I don't burn bridges in short, I blow them up and then frantically try to figure out a way to glue that bitch back together. 

... Wicked Games ...

...  Its strange what desire can make foolish people do ... 


Its June. My bad. I was caught up there for a moment in a world wind romance, that like everything else in my lovely little life ended in pain, sadness, crying at 3 o'clock in the morning, and finally acceptance. 


I'd like to classify myself as sucker free. In short, I'm no sucker, well normally, I don't feel like a sucker. But this time around, I was completely hood-winked. I'll chalk it up to the language barrier - but once someone says they love you - then the kitten gloves come off.  You're free to show every shade of your grey because love is suppose to be this magical thing people can bottle up and sell along with lemonade right? WRONG. SO effing WRONG. 


Once B and I started dating heavily, things took off with rocket ship speed and a trajectory that only seemed clean and good and I thought for once I would be getting my happy ending. Until around April, and the pendulum swung the other way. The undesirable way.  I went home for two weeks, which was wonderful on all accounts, all the while just yearning to come back home - to Paris and be with the person, whom I thought wanted to be with me too. It wasn't anything in particular but, you know when the when the candles go out in a room, and it feels like a ghost just came through.  What a wicked thing to say. When he said he never felt this way - I actually believed him. But he did of course feel the way he felt with me with a lot of other people. Again, hoodwinked. I was fighting against the ghost of girlfriends past it seems, and because I have no particular patience whatsoever for foolishness. I stopped myself, stone cold from falling any further down the rabbit hole and starting seeing things for what they really are.  Plus how do you win against a ghost. How do you fight for someone who isn't willing to fight for themselves, or what you're trying to build together. (Even more so - how to you expect someone to love and cherish you fully, if they still don't love and cherish themselves enough to see that walking away for a explosive and dangerous relationship was the best thing they could ever do for themselves. But more on that in another entry)I woke up - with alarming clarity - and because I never once thought for a moment that this could end, it hurt. I'm not above saying that even real ole g thugs, like myself get murked sometimes. And ya'll my thug life really came into question. But you accept it. You move on and you make do with what was and look forward to what will be. ( THAT is not a Confucius proverb. That the gospel according to ME.)


So that's it. I've been on a few other amazing dates with S. Who is probably one of the nicest gentlest men, I've ever met. I mean kisses on the cheek, genuine hand holding, and the kind of stimulating conversation that you can tell your friends about the next day. The exact opposite of B in every single way and exactly what I need. If only I could learn to love things that are good for me. 


Anyway - nobody loves no one... Except for me and Chris Issack. We love each other. We really really do.  In a creepy way. 




B.O.C. Prissy Sandals (White) - Women's Sandals - 11.0 M