... Faire Des Plans ...

Don't be fooled - these bitches be planning

Go with the flow... What the fuck does that shit even mean. I am not a river.  I am a fully functioning sentient being, not the Seine. I don't always understand how anyone is expected to "just go with the flow", if your taught to plan everything. Everything in my existence, and I am assuming the majority of our lives have been planned.. Our years, are planned out in big events. I hear people all the time planning - planning to have kids, or get married, get into colleges plans plans plans plans. Bad plans, good plans, plans as big as your head. So riddle me this: how the fuck do I not plan for B's return. (oh you thought this wasn't about him - le reve)


I'm not a complete ignoramus.  I know what going with the flow intends to mean. Its a saying that is suppose to incline simplicity and taking things step by step. Especially with new "relationships" you're expected to just be at ease, take everything at face value, and find the double entendre later when you're all spazzed out at home, re-reading the text messages, and analyzing the hand holding. But as I've mentioned before, when you're an adult, in France anyway, you say exactly what you mean. There is no double speak. So friends, I'm not going or flowing. I'm planning, and potentially plotting. (Yup, I'm a psycho biatch!)


No, in all serious, no one in the history of life has been more excited for a Monday to come. I do plan on seeing him. I do plan on speaking to, and with him. That could actually be difficult, as neither of us speaks the other's mother language. I can imagine it's as difficult for him to say things in English, as it is for me to say things in French, but we've figured it out so far.  I am planning to have fun, oh and I am planning on going with the flow - just in case you know my other plans don't work out. Because that's the thing with plans, you should always have a plan b.

... Blame Game...

American style dating in the city of love

In good ole Etats Unis, you play the game.  Having the ability to identify ones emotions are this rarity that only some people have. Men and women walk around like drones. Any feelings or emotions that you do have, about someone else, you trick yourself into thinking or feeling the other. I like you, I miss you, are automatically morphed into jaded mea culpa's for something else. We're taught not only to not say exactly what's on our minds, but to make it so complex and sarcastic, that even if it is exactly what we want to say, the intended recipient doesn't know how to interpret their own mother tongue. 


So when a certain person visiting Morocco for two weeks sends me constant messages just to say "tu me manques", and "Je pense a toi" in a language I only sort of comprehend, I am more than a little lost. Maybe its the years of failed dating. But, I look at my French phone for hours, just trying to understand the meaning behind the words. How do you miss someone you don't know. Is that possible? And if not, then why do I miss him also? Can you think of someone you've only seen once, kissed once? Again, if it isn't possible, then whats this feeling I get at the thought of his embrace? I'm no fool. I get the science behind attraction. Hormones rage, you feel stuff in places and boom - MAGIC HAPPENS. I also understand infatuation. I've been there before. Those times, I was doing all the chasing, all the wanting, and consequently, all the texting, emailing, calling. I was doing the MOST just to be noticed. This is so different from those times.  When he said, "J'espere que tu moblies pas" I laughed. How could I forget him. We haven't stopped communicating for a week. 


I want to live in the moment. I do not want anything to move too far ahead of me, and I don't want to lose myself in all of the "romance" that is happening ( if you don't think a boy calling you from Morocco, to tell you he is thinking of you is romantic, I advise you check the dictionary under "ROMANCE"). I want to be realistic, I want to know what he means. I want to understand, what it all means, and what it could mean. But most of all I just want to listen to Lana Del Rey, and play video games.