... Its been a long Decemeber ...

... and there's reason to believe that maybe this year, will be better than the last... 


Happy New Year. I can't believe that another year has passed. I have so much to be thankful for. There is so much that has happened to me. I am here living a brand new life in Paris. I finally feel like my life is truly beginning. Life is more than this thing, that I pass through, unaffected and blindly, but something that I lead with both eyes wide open. That this life, as short and fucked up and completely insane as it is, is all I have, and everyday I get up, I have to make it worth living. 


I've stumbled so much this year, left behind people that I loved, and people that I thought I loved. I know so much more about myself than I did last year. That in itself, is more than any short lived new years resolution. Its a constitution to myself to continue to grow, and be more than just a citizen of any country but a true citizen of the world. 

Bring it on 2012, I'm ready!

I'm so glad, that I have been able to experience these new things, and I am happier than I've ever really been. I've made new friends, and encountered difficulties that maybe, I would not have been able to handle with any type of grace and tranquility if it was not for really testing myself, and being able to let go of the shore and cross the ocean. There will be things that I want to do over, this year is no different. Confessing that I loved someone that I know did not and could not truly love me back. That's up there. But, I guess there's essentially a reason for it. As selfish, and self satisfying as it was, it was good to get it off of my chest. I just wish that it hadn't been on there in the first place. 


Next year, will be better than this one. I know it, for whatever reason, it just has to be. 


...I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower, Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show him...

... All I want for Christmas ...

My Christmas, was per usual completely uneventful. I did though, step in the merde as I foretold and broke the bed. Leaving this little blogger broke for Christmas. I was unable to buy myself, anything really. Looks like Santa also deemed me naughty and not nice, that or he didn't have my building code. 

This has not stopped me from enjoying my Christmas though. I spent it with my uncle in London, and we all had a really great time, spending Christmas the way it should be spent, eating too many carbs, and watching great, but bad TV. 


I do have a Christmas list though. Here are a few things, that I would want for Christmas, completely just imaginary things, that are available at stores, that I can't afford. 

Angela Chase eat your heart out!

1. I am obsessed with the idea of a skinny black jean. I get it 1994 called and they want that idea back, but I firmly and thoroughly believe with all of my mysocalledlife heart that Jordan Catalono would totes be my beau if I had these!


                                                                                                                                        2. Sticking with the denim theme ( there are 2 more denim items on this list. No I won't be wearing them together!!!) A pair of denim cut off would be so CLUTCH! They are adorable, and completely DIY, but considering I need all the full lengths jeans I have, I can't go and cut any. These USA booty shorts though are my absolute favorite. Nothing says USA pride, poom-poom shorts 

I pledge allegiance to my shorts!

Sidra is a PUNK ROCKER!!!

3. Dr. Martens came on the scene in the 1950's and have been worn by punks and skinheads around the world since. While I'm no skin head, and definitely no punk, I would still wear the hell out of some Dr. Marten, low tops, or high tops in maroon.

I love you but I love me more.

4. I am completely addicted to these two unisex parfums from Hermes, they're to die for. If I had a boyfriend he'd get one for Christmas just so I could use it. 

Come on home to me!

5. Zara has a whole HOST of things, I want. Nothing says I have completely lost my mind while living in the city of lights than a glittery bag. While I realize that this bag is 100% irrational and it would probably be worn twice, I still want. Santa baby please! 

never gon'appen

6.  Speaking of bags, my collection will never feel finished with out a classic Chanel bag, and since I don't have upwards of two grand to chuck up to Karl I guess that collection will never be finished, thank God for the internet, its where dreams come from! 

Chanel Iman is everywoman, every hot woman!

7. H&M is a great fast fashion store. They  usually have all the cutest pieces of the season, and they tend to be always affordable. You can never strike out, but you may find 50 or so fashion forward and cash poor girls, with you same outfit.  Fret not, it always looks better on you anyway.  This shirt, I'm sure is going to be a big hit again. I love it, and because its so inexpensive, I'm sure I'm not the only one!

Gabi, of Gabifresh.com

8.  I'm a necklace  hoarder. I once went out with my mother, and bought 3 chunky necklaces at once. If I see a cute one I just have to have it. I have had my eye on this elephant  necklace by Fennimas, from their brotherly love collections for so long I doubt they even make the piece any more. 

I wanna sing along to Glee, in peace!

9.   My ipod is so busted its not funny. The thing can hardly hold a charge, and I'm tired of having to jimmy rig the head phones to hear the music out of both ear ducts.  So this Christmas, I would have liked to get a ipod touch. It helps tune out the voices in my head

Folks who always have my back.

10. MY FAMILY. I spent Christmas with one of my favorite people on the planet. My uncle. It was amazing to be close to him and his wife during Christmas, but nothing makes you miss home more, than being around people that remind you of home. I miss my mom and dad, and brothers so much sometime it feels like, I  could  cash in this dream card just to be close to them. There is no amount of saving up, that could replace a holiday season with them. With that said, I would have preferred to get nothing at all this Christmas, if it meant a moment with them at home. 

... Dans la merde ...

Stephen Clarke, and English writer, wrote the hilariously titled, A Year In the Merde .  The fact that it is so ironically on point is one of the best features of Mr. Clarke's story.  Tons of people, myself included have romanticized what living in Paris actually means. Some people think its the bohemian bourgeoisie ( bobo, this is a real French term, not something I have come up with to make fun of the French) paradise, where wine is cheap, cheese is stinky, and health care coverage is free. While, that may be all true, France, and Paris to be specific is about so much more. Its about life, love and pursuit of not STEPPING in the SHIT. 

Its not all tour Efiel and moon light here

To date, and that date would be 3 months and counting, I have yet to step in it. I can't help but wonder though, when's it my turn? Like all things nasty, I'd rather just have it happen, wash my shoes and move on, but I feel like my merde, may be more metaphysical than actual dog crap on the side of the road. For example, it took me 3 months to find an apartment. If that's not stepping in the shit, then I have no idea what is. I have also been working for people that for all accounts I can't stand. Again, the poop is plentiful in Paris.  And finally, with Christmas approaching and all of my friends and Parisian family away, I'll be going across European Union boarders, and praying that no one notices the stamps on my passport. If I don't make it back to Paris, then I'll definitely know that my number is UP! I will have stepped in to a stinking pile of  freshly made merde. I'm not really that worried though. For whatever reasons, (90% resilience, 10% IDGAF) I know that it will just work. It has too. My year in Paris ( *French or otherwise) is not up yet, I still have so much I need to do, but I definitely have to look down while on my way there. 


* "A French year starts in September, and ends in May. If you don't have everything you need by the time April 30th hits you're in the merde!" Stephen Clarke, A Year in the Merde

... River ...

Joni Mitchell once sang about wishing for a river.  I have listed to this song every Christmas for nearly 5 years. Its literally the only Christmas song that I totally get. That and Fairy take of New York. Why you may ask are these two songs the only songs that I actually relate to, during the time of year when its all about peace love and happiness? It is because like million of other young angenieux out there I am completely celibataire. Celibataire, isn't French for single, no its French for no one is every going to love you. I have come to accept that even in the city of light and love, some of us just ain't getting any. 


Its ok though, while all of my friends here and in the states are longing looking into each others eyes around the yule tide fire, I am longingly looking into my scotch and ginger, or gin and tonic, or most adoringly into my double vodka on the rocks, not because I'm alcoholic ( don't judge me) but because, Joni is right, I too wish I had a river I could skate away on. I'm not bitter. Quite the opposite. I may sound a little bitter, but its mostly just sarcasm. I am in earnest happy for all the young lovers thrusting their tongues down each others throats every 45 seconds. That's metro stop to metro stop by the Parisian ruling stick.  I thought it was bad in the states, with the Kay's ads, and all the other ones reinforcing the thought that during this wonderful holiday season if you're not with someone who would buy you a big shiny piece of shit you weren't worth it, here in Paris, you have the ads, plus the over zealous pda-ing all over the city. 




BLAH BLECH PUKE. 


Luckily for me the river is within walking distance to my apartment. I could attempt to skate away on that.  But it don't snow here, it stays pretty green. Oh Joni, how you get me!

... Femme Fatale ...

After many failed attempts, I met my cousin Nadine this past Friday night. A calm 30 something French woman, who is so cool it literally hurt. She is one of those awesome French hybrid people who speak enough English to make it anywhere in the world, but because I don't speak French, speaks slowly in  her mother tongue. 

Peter Avajon for Rue Edgar Poe

On Friday, we went to see her friends band play Rue Edgar Poe. I entered the theatre hall with no expectations. She said it was pop music, but regardless of expectations, when I walked into the room and saw some of Paris's finest senior citizens I was a little concerned.  

Muriel Sabatier

Once the band hit the stage, I let all my sarcastic senses flow. What kind of pop music does aunty mathilda over there listen to,  and if she rocks out too hard will she lose a hip! Then they started playing. And I shut the hell up. That's the funny thing about Paris, even the older folks know exactly how to keep it up and stay young. 

The band was amazing ANY band that opens up with Femme Fatale by The Velvet Underground is a absolute winner in my book. I have a slight obsession with Andy Warhol and that era. I've seen Breakfast at Tiffany's enough to recite it. Andy was a dick, but he was genius. And the older folks I was talking about got up and starting doing the twist. Its called Le Rock and they do it to everything that has a rocking rollish popish feel, and I was in the middle of the crowd doing it with them.  When the band started playing Valerie, by the late and great Amy Winehouse and Mark Ronson (originally by The Zutons) I closed my eyes and sang along.

To me that's the mark of a great show. Where you can get so into it you close your eyes and let the music take you far and away, and you never care who's watching. Especially if those who are watching are in the 40-50 bracket!

Muriel of Rue Edgar Poe

She is absolutely a gold dust woman

These two MADE the night

... Just a little Paris ...

Here are a few pics of my time in Paris so far. I'm no photographer, or a professional writer for that matter, but I like to share the things I've done with the world wide web. Maybe some day, it won't be complete shit. 

 Le Tour Efiel, she's super pretty during the day time. This was taking from the Isle St. Louis. It was hella pretty during the fall time, and it just gorgeous now. 

This is from the top of Pere Lachaise. A famous cemetery in the 20, just absolutely gorgeous, as far as cemetery's go at least. 

Yea she sparkles. 

My favourite picture of  Le Tour Efiel so far. 

Oh and then there's this one. Not a professional, but I'm sort of feeling my camera SKILLLZ

Me coming from a show in Paris. Being French, giving nothing but FACE ( I hear you calling me Trya!)

The Champs Elysee after Audrey Tautou turned on the Christmas lights

View from my block ( jealous?!?!)

me Isle St. Louis. Hanging with my new buddies

... Holding on ...

In the summer time just before I left my job, and was playing around with the idea of quitting even earlier, my father told me " hold on, its always at the end when it seems toughest, but don't quit". My father is a wise man. Because of his stern advice, I didn't quit my job a month early and because of his advice, I have not left Paris. Thank GOD because I have accomplished something that  seemed impossible for months.  I finally, have a place to stay. Not an apartment, but a bedroom all to myself,  its not Shang Ri-La but its mine.  Located in the sophisticated 15th, the space is exactly what I want and need: no frills; just a place to hang my shit, and put away my suitcases. 


This of course opens me up to a whole new world of worry and fright. The dreaded rent monster will be knocking on my door every month, and a roomate. These two things though I am prepared to deal with, but knowing that I am leaving the safety net of my family for real this time is really eating away at me. When I first came here to find my own way, I was coming to a place where I would be comfortable because I was coming home, but now, moving out for real into the world with a complete stranger is a little nerve racking. But like the saying goes; " you can't cross the ocean with out losing sight of the shore". 


I'm grabbing my canoe and paddles and setting sail into the big bright world. Luckily for me, I have light houses everywhere, here and in Boston; always ready to guide me just in case I get a little lost.