Why

Someone asked me a while back - why I was moving. At the time, I didn't know the answer. Currently, I still do not know the complete answer. I have reasons I tell the noisy people who can't understand and reasons I tell people who seem earnestly interested, I even have reasons I tell people that seem jealous and doubtful that I will survive in the big bad world, away from the safety and comfort of home.

The truth is I have never had the opportunity for self discovery. I have always played my part to the people around me. I've been the kind listening Sidra, that you can tell your deepest darkest secrets too. The smart witty, clever Sidra, you can crack jokes with. The trustworthy, hardworking Sidra, that shows up to work on time, and completes task, and performs with out hesitation. I never mind being any of these versions of myself, they are ultimately part of what makes me, me. But, the one real reason I'm travelling across the sea, and getting so far away from all of those parts of myself is to find out if that's really who I want to be.

All of my life, I've been the Sidra for other people. Now, its time to find out who I am to myself. I can't do that from the comfort of home. I almost wish I could. Its progressively getting harder to walk away. Harder to say goodbye. Lately everything has been feeling like a good hair day - you know the day before you go get a hair cut or a fresh blow out - your hair looks so amazing you're almost convinced you don't need to go. That feeling, the facade that everything is actually OK and that I don't need to discover who I can be, what my full potential is, has almost got me convinced that I could stay here, and do it from my front porch. I know ultimately that I can not.

... You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore...