... Green little monster ...

Shining like fireworks. T. Swift 

 Its an emotion people don't want to admit too. "Jealousy" they say " is a wasted emotion". But is it? If someone says they don't get jealous I truly believe that they may be  a sociopath, and/or aren't in tune with their feelings. I for one am a good listener to my emotions. All of my emotions, and yes sometimes that includes jealousy. If I see a text message between you and another girl, I will get jealous, but much more I will get territorial. Maybe thats it. Maybe its not so much that people are jealous, but they're territorial. And can you blame them? Once you given your heart to someone and they in turn have decided to give theirs to you, shouldn't you protect said hearts like they were any other earthly possession? I know I would.

So when this weekend passed and I noticed a few text messages exchanged between two people, I think I care about, I stand at attention. They were in fact innocent. The standard " how are you .... I'm fine, busy with work, promise to make time once I'm not" messages, but given the history of these people, its hard not to read anything so unassuming and not see it as more. Especially since all parties involved know my feelings towards the other person. Does that make me a bad friend not to trust that my friend wouldn't do anything untoward towards my beau? Or does it make me a bad and psycho girlfriend that I don't fully trust a man, who I could possibly love?

I'm a great girlfriend. I never diss you for a guy on girls night. If you call at 2 a.m because you need to get shit off your chest. I answer. I let you vent. I buy the first round, and last if I need to. In short, I'm the type of woman that will be there for you. I'm a great lover as well. I make time for you. I listen. I'm not selfish with my heart, and honestly, I don't lie, I don't cheat. I know everyone says that, but its my firm belief that cheaters and liars are just damaged individuals with something to prove. That and that shit is for children.

Maybe its me. Maybe I'm reading too much into a few non committal exchanges between two people that knew each other long before I came into the picture. Maybe I'm too keen to mistrust people because I'm a scaredy cat when it comes to l'amour.  Maybe I should don on the finest of Raquel Welsh's wig collection and follow people for a few days and see whats really good straight up Samantha Jones style. Or I could just pump the breaks, assess the situation and decide whether its worth my sanity and 23,50€ to stay in either relationship. Because, the truth of the matter, is that people will do whatever they want to do. You have no control over that. What you can control is your actions. What you will do.  I for one, much rather listen to a few Taylor Swift songs and drink a few strong makers marks and ginger ales before I let anyone drive me to false hair.  Plus I'm way more Mazzy Star than I am a Swifty